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Chalet stereotypes

 Poster: A snowHead
Poster: A snowHead
In another thread demonstrating why he is a terrible selfish BF another snowhead wrote


Quote:
Valid, I just think we're both about as far from "standard Brit TO chalet" kind of people as you can really get. Every time I've done a chalet trip I've wanted to strangle a number of overly uptight, middle class, closet-racist closet-sexist yuppy Brexit voters just for being alive.


Notwithstanding the general rule that if you can't identify the overly uptight, closet-racist, closet-sexist in a chalet it's probably you what other setereotypes are there:

Just for fun. Let's read he/she as gender neutral so we don't have to get into complex syntax

Those i've come across:

The military dad - marshalls his family as if it is a military campaign, you can see the joy ebbing from the family's eyes every morning.
The "all the gear" geezer - bores you to tears with accounts of how skitracks works and what mileage and speed he achieved today.
The "oneupmanship" couple - usually dominated by one partner who insists on telling everyone how they are really slumming it and usually ski in Gstaad, St Moritz, Aspen etc or that this is their cheeky extra hol. If you even mention another resort they'll have been there and are best mates with Fritz at the Palace Excelsior 5*.
The "jekyll" - quiet as a mouse but turns into a rowdy drunken animal
The alky - knocks back chalet wine like its going out of fashion and when asked what they did today starts with "well the skiing wasn't great today so we took a loong lunch then stopped as X bar"
The hobbyist - has some other esoteric hobby and likes to share every detail of it over dinner
The ladz - Out for big seshs and nightlife but usually returning while the oldies are still up playing Uno or whatever cos they are knackerd
The wannabe - the desk jockey with the avy pack and the bizarre unnecessarily fat skis

OK so I may be one of them at least...
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 Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
@Dave of the Marmottes,
The "jekyll"
The alky
The ladz

describes our group! Nothing like throwing up 1/2 way through the 1st run of the morning & you get that alcohol burn in the pit of your stomach.
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 Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
The professional complainer - will find literally anything to complain about at great length, too much snow, not enough snow, wine not being 1982 vintage and free, their room is too hot/small/big/close to living room/clean/wooden.

The casual thief - leaves with a bag full of 2 year old knackered towels, salt shakers, couple of bottles of wine and a single slipper from another guest.

The secret squirrel - spends every dinner trying his best to get people to ask about his work so he can be deliberately evasive and pretend to be some kind of special forces hero, bluff always called within minutes of a power cut or small spider in the living room at which point will flap around like a frightened sparrow.

The chalet bicycle - every evening requires a new partner, behaviour dramatically enhanced if chalet has a hot tub. Every morning at breakfast ends up with slightly embarrassed looks across the table while guests try and work out who last crawled out of their room with their pants in their hand.
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The modern parents who allow their kids to ride rough-shod over the rest of the chalet who don't do kids and can't take a hint
Same modern parents who then get all offended when told that they are a PITA
The teenage girls who want to come down to breakfast in onesys and slippers and spend every waking hour on their phones talking to everyone who'se not in the chalet rather than the ones who are
The worldly travellers who've done a season at just about everywhere in the world and remind everyone else about it at every opportunity
The SCGB types who know all the area inside out and have to be involved in every dinner conversation
The Rambo - gets pished on free wine and argues with chalet host
The sofa-hogs - first in after skiing, sit in same place every night and never move away from their place
The my-Tommys-at-Oxbridge types
The my-Tommy's-in-the-city types
The "oooh your from up north and actually aren't that bad" types
The talk repeatedly Home Counties types who think I know all their friends and haunts and talk about it incessantly as though I do.....
The ankle-biting beige cords/ Volvo estate/ viyella shirt types who used to come here when it was what it isn't now, and if only it hadn't deteriorated over the years.....
The masterchef at home who complains about the food at every meal even though the've paid £459 including flights/ transfer/ bed and half board.

Met then all, and all your list above Dave........don't do chalets anymore Laughing
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
The Romeo - assumes the chalet girl will be gagging for him and spends all week flirting oblivious to the fact that as an owner of an extra X chromosome she can literally take her pick of any male in a ski resort.
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@Markymark29, yeah, if they are so easy to ridicule... I don't find the concept appealing. mind you I was a chalet rep for 3 seasons ... which probably doesn't help!
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Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
The chippy yorksheerman wink
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 After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
under a new name wrote:
@Markymark29, yeah, if they are so easy to ridicule... I don't find the concept appealing. mind you I was a chalet rep for 3 seasons ... which probably doesn't help!


Ah The Gigalo...
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Which is why (partly) I don't do chalets.
Sadly, you get 'em all at breakfasts in guesthouses and hotels too. But at least not at dinner.
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What a misanthropic bunch!
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 snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
I haven't had a chalet holiday for many a long year, we are usually too skinflint and self cater.
Going next year for the first time in ages .
I wonder which stereotype I will meet and which I will conform to someones idea.
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
I didn't say I didn't like them or found them amusing.

The misanthrope - anyone who bemoans chalet hols
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So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
@Hurtle, tongue firmly in cheek! 😜
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 You know it makes sense.
You know it makes sense.
Most of these could be summarised as Southerners
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 Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
The masterchef away - who decides it won't be a problem to use up all the milk and eggs making breakfast on the staff day off
The coach fiend - "I get travelsick so have to sit in the front seat", when you just know it isn't true
The boot-room manager - "My skis and boots always go in this place"
The food-faddist - "I'm not allergic but please can you cook my meal this way tonight"
The water-hog - who gets back first to have a large bath even when they know there isn't enough hot water for everyone to shower.


And then of course there are those people who manage to achieve multiple stereotypes!
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Poster: A snowHead
@Dave of the Marmottes, in my dreams...
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
The “I’d say I’m an advanced” skier who is barely out of snowplough, but thinks he’s really good cos he skis stupidly fast (but out of control) and does black runs.
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 Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
The surprisingly interesting one - that guest who has been there and done that but captivates the room with the tale

The odd one out - that guest who takes 1 place in a 10 person chalet when everyone else came as a group

The hapless parents - need I say more?

The chalet owners - easy to spot when they drop in for a week because the good wine comes out....

The "I've done a season" - "Oh have you? Aye...."
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The one on crutches
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 Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
What about the tech head? Asks for the Wi-Fi code before greeting the chalet hosts and flew over with enough gadgets to open an alpine pc world!
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The "any excuse not to actually ski". Fully dressed for the part in NWOT ski gear from 1999, have own custom fitted rear entry boots, rents platinum skis and buys a 6-day full area lift pass. Gets up each morning and has a different excuse why they won't ski today - it's too cold, too windy, too cloudy, too warm, they heard the snow was too icy/slushy yesterday, there's too much snow/not enough snow/it's the wrong type of snow, their mates are going off with a guide and they don't ski alone, they don't like the proposed lunch stop, they reckon the path outside is too slippy, actually 50m is too far to walk and next year they will really have to insist on ski-in/ski-out.

The "by the way, did I mention I'm an instructor?". Has BASI L1. Never misses an opportunity to criticize the methods of any actual instructor anyone else in the chalet is using that week. Never misses an opportunity to tell others skiers in the chalet how they could improve their skiing. Including the host, who has done 8 seasons and is actually a snowboarder.

The "helicopter parent". Has sewn a GPS tracking simcard into little Johnny's underpants so his every movement can be tracked by an app on their phone. Has also equipped him with a tranciever because you can't trust the ski schools not to take them off-piste and anyway everyone knows that avalanches happen on piste too. Nevertheless, follows little Jonny's class around the mountain and has a meltdown when they see them sitting on a chairlift with a stranger (but what about their CPD????). Every night, regales other chalet guests with a series of apocryphal stories in which children have got lost/died on the mountain.
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NWOT? @Gämsbock,
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 After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
@Perty, so, that covers 90% of the clients in ome fell swoop then. Well called!
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@under a new name, new without tags. Ebay jargon, init.
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The non-skier that complains incessantly that they’re bored and their partner has to forgo skiing day after day because of the long face....well hellllo it’s a winter sports holiday maybe you should have gone to Mauritius instead?

Also the wannabe pro-golfer - talks you through his (almost always a he) last 4 ball when he got invited to a corporate day at Carnoustie and he is paired with a celebrity....cue all the stories about the celeb as well as the driving/ fairways/ greens/ hole layout 😳 yawn!
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
Markymark29 wrote:
The modern parents who allow their kids to ride rough-shod over the rest of the chalet who don't do kids and can't take a hint
Same modern parents who then get all offended when told that they are a PITA.....


Wherever I go (for any activity) these ladies' front bottoms are there.
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 And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
I hate to say it, but I should add that “I say I’m advanced” is ALWAYS male.

But just to balance it out, “40 something mum” whose a bit too nervous, won’t take a lesson and is left for dust by the kids and hubby (letting the side down a bit IMHO😉).

I have to say, in my season as a chalet host (yawn...doesn’t that sound like a stereotype too), the most fun guests were Ladz on tour, or the big gangs of 30 somethings. If the chalet was full on one booking, they were always more fun and keen to hang out with us staff.
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 So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
Oh god yeah I’ve been in a chalet when the owners “popped by”. Not an experience I’d like to repeat. Just me and husband staying in the chalet, plus the owner and his son. Dad would hold court at any and every opportunity and wanted you to repeatedly tell him that, yes, this is the finest and most tasteful chalet you’ve ever seen, yes, wasn’t he very savvy in buying this chalet and making such good property investments. He was bizarrely interested in where we’d been to university and what we did for a living; clearly interested in whether we were “the right sort of people”. The twentysomething son didn’t ski; he was unwell and was there to “take the mountain air” as if he were some sort of 19th century consumptive. The chalet hosts were “seen and not heard”.

On the Wednesday the owner and son left and it was just us and the hosts. We all said “thank feck for that” and cracked open the good wine, spent the remainder of our meals as the four of us together and had a lovely time laughing at the owner’s pomposity.
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 You know it makes sense.
You know it makes sense.
@Dave of the Marmottes,

Replace "family" with "friends" for miltary dad and I am literally every single one of those stereotypes
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 Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
@Maireadoconnor, haha! snowHead
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 Poster: A snowHead
Poster: A snowHead
In a family with 3 or more kids, there's always one aged about 3 who is called Charlie and looks like an angel with blond(e) curls but behaves like the devil incarnate. As Charlie is always dressed in (handed down) ski gear or dungarees you have no idea of gender so spend the entire week trying to avoid any reference to he/she/his/her whilst listening for clues. If you mess up and get it wrong, the parents, whilst seeming like politically correct, gender-neutral toys, clothes etc advocates, get really cross, (in a gritted teeth way) that their darling boy/girl was misjudged. The upside it that they stop talking to you Laughing .
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 Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
You've just convinced me never to go on a chalet holiday.

I have to confess; what's worse then a military father, is two or more ex forces people reminiscing. Pull up a sandbag, get the light swinging and let me tell you a story; as all the civvies yawn in unison. Guilty as charged. wink
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 Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
I've only been on 2 chalet breaks. One had the sultan of Bruneis body guard and children, as well as a female doctor who had friends elsewhere in Val d'isere. The other was empty apart from the TO chalet maid and us. (December in US chalet was empty as was resort)

So it was pretty much a fairly good experience, as the service was great.

Oh, I also had a chalet break in Courcheval 1850. Spent most of the time out in techno disco until 5am. Do not remember other people in chalet apart from staff, who were very nice.

Also I had another chalet break I forgot about in La Tania. That was full of cliches, so I best not mention that trip.


Last edited by Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see? on Thu 26-07-18 21:29; edited 2 times in total
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As an Aussie the ‘chalet holidays’ are very foreign to me - but they sound like a blast.
So how does it work? Myself, my wife and our two kids book a holiday but we’re there with other people too just like a hotel but it’s communal eating? Not separate tables?
I love the idea of listening to these various types while having a few drinks after a hard days skiing. I reckon I’d be stereotyped as one of the fore mentioned personality misfits. Laughing
Is it expected that you ski with the group too?
When staying ‘half board’ at a hotel (which I will be in Italy come January) is it the same communal type concept?
Also when booking a chalet holiday there an indication given of the type of group it will be? Like families with young kids, 20 something party people, couples in their 40’s/50’s etc? Or is it pot luck?
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 Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Dave of the Marmottes wrote:
In another thread demonstrating why he is a terrible selfish BF another snowhead wrote


I recognise myself Very Happy

I'd agree with a lot of the stereotypes here. The ones I tend to experience are:

The young law graduate: Well dressed, well spoken, clearly of middle class descent, has skied since age of 3; spends week convincing people they are actually working class because they're currently unemployed.

The "I normally do so much better": Normally apparently stays in £20,000/week 5-star chalets with private ping pong tables. Only here in this £500/week scum-class chalet because there was an this was a last minute trip, I know the owners and they did me a great deal on it.

The "I expect to be served": Stays in a budget-class chalet and complains because they arrived at breakfast this morning and shock horror the teapot was empty, and this is a total travesty and if they were a host in this chalet no such thing would ever happen.

The former chalet host: Once worked 3 weeks in a chalet in France before losing their mind and going AWOL. Now provides a running commentary on everything these chalet hosts do, their real motives for doing so and how they would do it better if they weren't so amateur.

The closet racist / sexist / homophobe etc: Well educated and well spoken, so quite surprising when they sit at the dinner table and say "look I'm honestly not being racist, but (insert totally inaccurate racial/sexual stereotype or Daily Mail driven rant here)" and you say "look mate, there's no substance in that it's just plain discrimination" and they say "no it isn't, I know a black/female/gay person so I can't be racist/sexist/homophobic".

The stupidity boaster; The person who does something plainly stupid and ridiculous and callous then sits at the dinner table boasting about it. Like the guys in my chalet who went off piste with no guide, no equipment and no idea of where they were going, only to call mountain rescue once the darkness came in to come and pick them up; then making this whole episode out to be a gnarly-AF adventure.

(I know we've had the ski instructor, so) The former ski instructor: Maybe achieved Level 1, or was some kind of school-holiday ski instructor before BASI levels existed. Spends the week starting conversations with "look, I'm not a ski instructor anymore, and I'm not trying to tell you how to ski, but you really need to do X, Y and Z if you ever want to progress"... often citing poor advice, out-of-date practices dating back to straight skis, or just making crap up to attempt to impress impressionable young women.

The falls-for-her-ski-instructor: Pretty self explanatory but there is always one nice young lady in the chalet who by Wednesday believes she is madly in love with her skiing instructor, sleeps with him on Thursday night, and is then desperately upset when she spots him snogging another of his students on Friday night and spends the rest of the holiday drinking excessively, crying into her pillow and being moody with anyone daring enough to take the p1ss about i, whilst trying to either win him back or at least bag one of his mates.
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@sbooker, it is pot luck depending on where you book and when. Although by choosing the where and when, you are likely to narrow the type.

You share dinner, and bathrooms. There is no obligation to ski together, although often there will be opportunities. (On one chalet trip a group booked a snowboarding instructer together, and I skied with one of the daughters of the sultan of bruneis bodyguard one day : Fiona)
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Bigtipper wrote:
@sbooker, it is pot luck depending on where you book and when. Although by choosing the where and when, you are likely to narrow the type.

You share dinner, and bathrooms. There is no obligation to ski together, although often there will be opportunities. (On one chalet trip a group booked a snowboarding instructer together, and I skied with one of the daughters of the sultan of bruneis bodyguard one day : Fiona)


The sharing bathrooms bit sounds interesting. Confused
I’ll be sure to check in here before we book anywhere for our planned 20th anniversary trip (sans kids).
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 After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
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@sbooker, bathrooms are not always shared - I usually look for ensuite if possible. Shared tables for meals, can be interesting, or not. More likely in a small chalet than a big one. Chalet board is like half board but with additional cake on return from skiing. If your host is good at baking and the altitude isn’t too high, this is very welcome Very Happy Some places will also do lunch or packed lunch if you want. The bar is usually ‘honest’.
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i always go on chalet holidays with my mate, we are both in our 50"s and we are complete opposites, i am the quiet one who just likes to listen and observe and i"ll say something when i think everyone else has paused for breathe, my mate is the one who wants to prove to everybody he"s a real cool dude, over dinner he will put on his spotify play list, and when he realises no ones listening he will craftily turn it up, and after dinner he"s the first person to try and get everyone up to dance.
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The snowdome enthusiast: learnt to ski in a fridge and has never seen an Alp before. Refuses to book lessons coz they’ve been sliding down Tamworth Mountain all summer and can ride like a pro. Can be found staring nervously down the top of a green run, wondering why real mountains are so big and steep. If they have sense, they’ll be in lessons by Tuesday, otherwise find them in the bar telling stories of how they got injured on the button lift.

The chalet host’s parents: has dropped in to check on little Johnny and see how they’re doing in their stylish new life, whilst offering ideas of better ways to cook the dinner and generally sending the host crazy (which you would, if your mum and dad turned up at your office for a week).
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